The holiday spirit came with the muse, albeit a light-hearted version, for my last column of 2012. I hope you can hear Auld Lang Syne as you read and chuckle. Here's hoping for even higher quality healthcare in 2013.
Let us lament our Mrs. Jones for her excessive readmissions past,
For she, and others like her, now cost our hospital cash!
Or safety scores from The Leapfrog Group that left our wards bereft,
Especially since the headlines screamed: "This hospital got an F."
CHORUS
We'll boost our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes,
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and cut our HACs to zeros.
Should we dress down our doctors now, who threw their tantrums loud,
When we suggested variation, should not be, so much, allowed?
Or because some ignored those checklists, albeit they be many,
When failure to do a "time out," excised Mr. Smith's wrong kidney.
CHORUS
We'll lift our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes.
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and reduce our CLABSIs to zeros.
Know we not our foreign object counts, of sponges, pads, guide wires,
And make sure we clear the cautery tool, lest we set someone afire.
Woe is us for long ED waits, and boarding in the halls,
Or when our nurses weren't looking, some patients suffered falls.
CHORUS
We'll best our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes.
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and slice our RFOs to zeros.
And dare we ponder Exeter's plight, that "serial infector" creep
Who, thank God, never came in contact with our own catheterization suite.
Should we fret our lapsed CME, and worry past background checks?
Did we lock our med stations tight to thwart drug diversion thefts?
CHORUS
We'll hike our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes.
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and down our ne'er events to zeros.
We chose to eschew the mobile app, with all its fancy features,
Though it would enable us to track our patients long after their procedures.
Should we regret procrastinating, on ICD-10, or EHR MU?
For now the deadline's passing, we're not getting incentives boost.
(Yes, woe is us.)
CHORUS
We'll click our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and chop our data errors to zeros.
We paid no mind to Medicaid, or the High Court's June decision,
Or that the state we live in, holds state-run Exchanges in derision.
We waited out the Romney threat that PPACA he would repeal,
Though now fear that Congress factions would, money from it steal.
CHORUS
We'll top our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and shave our "wouldn't recommends" to zeros.
We turned away the merger op, and failed the acquisition.
And now our board of directors doubts our CEO has mission.
Our alignment is in disarray, we have no hard stop policies.
We've failed to reduce our lengths of stay or unnecessary surgeries.
CHORUS
We'll fix our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and trim our waste to zeros.
We thought no one cared about call lights, or looked at Hospital Compare,
But now to get value incentive pay, we really don't have a prayer.
I guess we forgot our cost efficiency would be out for all to see
Or that our imaging and mortality rates are part of transparency!
CHORUS
We'll move our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and drop our outliers to zero.
When employees slipped, we fired them for making a stupid error.
Who knew hospitals were supposed to have a soul of "blame-free culture"?
We didn't go for an ACO; didn't think it fiscally sound.
But now our docs are defecting, admitting patients all over town.
CHORUS
We'll check our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and clip our flaws to zeros.
We said acute care hospital tasks are tough, and bad things sometimes happen
Patients have so many things wrong, and also, they never listen!
We didn't think to reduce our waste or mind every single nickel,
And that may be why we now find ourselves in this brutal fiscal pickle.
CHORUS
We'll jump our quality scores this year and be acute care heroes
We'll learn from all our past mistakes, and reduce our errors to zeros.
But heaven forbid our errors past not all be just for naught,
In 2013 we'll improve ourselves, and from all our mistakes be taught.
No matter how we measure quality for any type of care
Atop any list of Who's the Best for 2013, our names will soon be there.
Let old mistakes stay old, but not forgot.
Happy New Year.